Wings of Death

I woke up and opened my eyes. I was feeling refreshed. Was I just born? No, I wasn’t. There was nothing wet on my body. But I felt alive. Perhaps I have woken up from a deep sleep, a sleep that didn’t include only one night, but covered my entire existence thus far.

But the joy of breathing again was short lived. I was now feeling pain throughout my body. I looked down, and I saw myself in shackles. I had a chain around my neck, which also locked my arms behind me. I felt sharp pain in my joints, as if someone was constantly stabbing me. The chain around my neck was tight, but not tight enough to kill me.

Perhaps these fetters were already here, perhaps since I first came into this world. I was a little boy then, which is why they didn’t fit too tight. I could move and even play around in them. And here I was restrained by the same chains. I could see my hands turning red, as the blood vessels were under pressure.

It is a good thing that human beings have a growing age. I think I have reached mine. If I grow beyond this, I will break the chains, or my own neck.

So, what do I do now? Wait? That was the only thing that could be done. I was alone in the room, which was surrounded from all sides. But wait, there is no roof. Of course, I couldn’t turn my head up, but I could roll my eyeballs upwards. The human body is amazing, and you can do a million things with it, and to it. You can even hypnotize yourself.

Why was I getting restless? If these chains were too tight, then perhaps they were not meant for me. Maybe it was to hold me in place during my early years so I may learn self-control. But now I had to break away, and so I tried.

To my amazement, I freed my hands in no time! And since this was the chain that held my neck as well, I easily removed it. Relief at last! I turned my head sideways, only to hear the sounds of bones grinding against each other. After all, it has been quite some time.

I moved my hands around. At first, I couldn’t, but as the circulation restored, I was soon able to lift my arms and clench my fists. And then I felt something protrude from my sides. I could not believe my eyes. There were wings, large white wings, on my left and right.

I took me a while to realize that they were my own. Did I have them before? Did they grow longer with time, like hair? Were they given to me, or did I grow them out of necessity?

Whatever the cause, I knew one thing: I was going to leave this room of irons and fly my way out into the open sky. I positioned my body for the flight and closed my eyes.

“3, 2……………..1!” I shot upwards, like a bullet ready to pierce a hole in the sky. As I lifted my arms to go higher, my flight stopped, instantly.

I was neither going up, nor falling down. I felt something on my legs. Something was holding me back. I looked down and saw chains on my feet. I didn’t realize that they were there before.

I was not going to be held back anymore. So I closed my eyes once again, and pushed my body harder for the next flight.

“3, 2……1!” The chains broke, but I didn’t move from my place. I heard a sound, a sound of breaking bones. Had I cracked my ankles? It didn’t feel that way.

I was hovering in the sky, and below me was the room. In the middle was the chair on which I had sat for all these years. But wait, there was a hole beneath the chair, and the chains that locked my feet were going inside it.

I didn’t want to go back in, but at the same time I was perplexed by the sound of broken bones I heard a moment ago. And then I thought to myself: “I have wings now, and I am free. I can fly out again” With these words in my mind, I descended back into the room, and down the dark opening.

I followed the trail of the chain and came down till the end of that dungeon-like space. As I moved towards the side, sunlight came inside, and soon I saw where the other end of chain was tied to.

It was a human being. Someone I knew. Maybe it was my father, or some other relative. The other end of the chain was in his neck. I broke his neck when I flew upwards. And now the dead corpse lay there. Did I kill him? So it appeared. But I never knew he was here and I had no clue that we were tied together.

I thought I had become free. I thought “at last I am free to fly around as I please, and reach new heights!” But although I was liberated physically, my mind could not go over the fact that I had, in essence, killed one of my own in the attempt to free myself from the shackles that held me captive.

I sat there, thinking to myself: "What a wretched man am I! Who will rescue me from this body that is subject to death?"

By Suleman John

The Pursuit of Happy-Ness

Imagine walking down a narrow road, trudging away aimlessly with a single thought on your mind, and this was no ordinary thought, it was the thought of thoughts. It was that kind of thought that put other thoughts to shame, and would put your mind on verge of exploding.

At the very least that thought still ran through my mind, it was like my brain cells had no other option but to bombard me with that single thought, and yet I was no where near an answer. I tried really hard to make sense of it, and “it” being happiness. It wasn't that I was searching for meaning, oh no I haven't reached there yet that's a whole other level, but what I was so profoundly trying to grasp was the idea of what we as people have described as happiness, and guess what?

I have no clue!

See what I couldn't understand was, how the cruel and wicked ruled these streets with power and money, while good and kind, suffered with betrayal and anguish. On one side you had the rich, who simply got richer, and on the other side you had the poor who simply (no matter what they did) got poorer.

The rich seemed happy (or what looked like happiness) with all their money, fancy cars and gigantic houses, while the poor could only believe in pursuing what they thought was rightfully theirs “happiness”, since food wasn't rich to the palette, a mere cardboard box was considered to be home and clothes were just rags stitched together.

No wonder they were running after something they believed was rightfully theirs.

And I must confess, I to am one of those fools who was in pursuit of happiness, but at that point I considered the phrase “the pursuit of happiness” to be the most ridiculous idea, because it simply made no sense, how could you pursue something you would never find? As a I walked down this empty, soulless path, where the division of our social class was so eminent. I carried on my aimless adventure to search for happiness.

It was a that point I came across an old man who was sitting on the corner of the sidewalk draped in rags, a form of creaky old bones, a fringe of grey white hair waving its way across his mottled bald scalp, a dirty ruffled beard which may have been white at some point in time, but you could hardly make out the color because of the dirt and perhaps the years of smog that had so enticingly called this old man's beard, a home. His teeth were brown and yellow (or what was left of his teeth), and it was quite evident that the discoloration was the result of years of smoking or chewing tobacco. His own age was on the tipping side of being completely indeterminate. It was like if you picked a random number, he would probably end up being older than that. His face heavily lined, (proof of the many years he had spent in this world) narrow, deep and wrinkled yet were filled with wisdom.

He was as best described, a pirate who hadn't felt the pleasures of the rough sea in years.

As I passed him, I did what every other person would do for those less fortunate, I slipped him a twenty and went on my path. But, it was at that point I heard someone calling me, “Ohai, boy! I believed you dropped this”.

I turned and to my surprise the old man was giving back the twenty I had so willingly given to him.

“Hurry up boy, you don't keep an old buzzard like me waiting, time isn't really my best friend you know!”. Okay I admit it, he was a bit more graphic with his words, but I had to keep it PG-13. Anyways, I stood their confused, and perhaps may have looked a bit stupid, may be this how a monkey feels when its trainer tells it salute as he rings that little drum in his hand.

I walked back to the old man, and tried to convince him to take the twenty, but failed. I starred at him blankly, as he was holding up the twenty I had given to him, and thought to myself that this old fool had lost it, as in he made twenty bucks easy just by sitting on the corner of some random street, and he was giving it back.

I hesitantly took back the twenty, not to disrespect the old man's wishes and then returned to my unadventurous journey only to have this sudden curiosity drag me back to the old man. I went straight up to him with complete determination to find out, why on earth would he return the twenty I had given him.

I asked him without any hesitation “why did you give me back the money?”. He chuckled and replied, “My dear boy! I'm not begging, nor am I in a troubled state, I haven't sold you anything nor have a I done anything for you to reward me, then why should I take your money?”

Sure, the old man had a point, but I still wasn't convinced. I asked “how could you not be in a troubled state? As in you live on a sidewalk, you don't have a roof over your head or even proper clothes to wear?”. He smiled through his gaped teeth and said, “I live like this not because of misfortune, but by choice”.

Okay I had it, it was clear that this old man had escaped from a mental asylum and was left here to live out the last moments of his life. I was sure he was 'coo-coo', living on the street, without the delicious aroma of food, the warm touch of a shelter, and the crisp wear of clean cloths. Yup! This old man had lost it.

He laughed at the blank look I gave him and continued to explain, “Yes, I live like this by choice, as in I have no family to look after, I don't have money on my mind 24/7, I don't have to struggle, my life is peaceful and easy, and it may seem difficult to comprehend, but I am happy with my life”.

At that point I found myself sitting right beside him, and was ready to bombard him with questions, but the only thing that kept haunting my mind was what he said, Happy! Happy!

I asked him “how do make a living? As in no matter how much you'd like to believe it you can't live without money, especially in today's world”. He turned to his side and at fiddled with his ragged up bag...

“AH HA! You sell drug to kids causing them to become addicts to your 'stuff', where by which you force them in to begging and earn money” proud of my enlightened resolution as if it fell from the sky, and blinded by my own sheer worth, I hadn't realized what he had in his hand and by the time I realized what he was holding, I could see the blatant look behind his wrinkled eyes and raised furry brow of “boy what you been smokin?”

Embarrassed and realizing that my tongue and once again outwitted my brain, I did what any self respecting traveler who was on the search for wisdom would do, I shut up! And decided it was best if the old man would keep speaking.

He had a sketchbook in his hand along with some pieces of charcoal, and to my surprise he began to sketch the scenery around him. Once he was done, he turned his sketch around and showed it to me.

“This is what I do all day, I love doing it, and if someone who passes me by loves it to, they buy it from me and that's how I earn. For food, I'm right next to a temple that offers be breakfast, lunch and dinner, and as far as the idea of shelter is concerned, well this city and its contents are my shelter”.

Amazed at the old man's idea of a living, I went on questioning and he went on answering. This back and forth tug of war between the old man and I ended up becoming a conversation that would change me forever. I stared at this sage old crackpot, and was lost in my own thoughts as he continued to talk about his life.

I thought to myself that this oldie showed that his life had no meaning, no aim, no purpose, no direction and yet he seemed happy.

By the love of God and everything Holy, I just couldn't figured it out. What was he doing right?

Good and Evil?

Many of us from time to time are faced with a number of circumstances to prove our virtue. Yet, in the midst of time we try and pretend that we are good people, and that we can do no wrong. We are kind helpful people, and because of which God will reward us for our good deeds.

It’s fear that drives our morals, so that we are protected from what we believe will be the very ‘fires of hell’. Though, our blasphemous and hypocritical nature provides us with much gratification of what we believe is good, or perhaps something that will enlighten us about the difference between good and evil.

We believe in it so much that we begin to dictate our understandings to those who have not quite come to a conclusion. It’s in our act of worship that we believe we can do no evil. However, given the right circumstances, I am certain every human being on this planet would be willing to commit an evil deed.